Friday I was so happy, K said he would miss me and I was so happy to see him. I went to his work to get his car keys and he kissed me. It felt like heaven on earth, so amazing. After this kiss I was even crying. I drove his mother and sister to IKEA and I went on work. Everything was fine. When I came to him a friend of him was there. So I had time to clean up the flat a little bit. After the friend left K came to me and kissed me and he was so in love. I was so happy I was smiling all the time. I wanted to have the Voss Water so we went to a store where he meant it would be available but it wasn't. We were laughing at a vendor because he didn't even know what this was. Originally we wanted to go to his brother but he had no time for us. So we went home and had an amazing evening.
Next morning I had to go to work and I asked if I could sleep at his place again he said he would think over it. When work was finished I asked and of course he said no but thank god his brother was calling me and he wanted me to come to his girlfriend A. I was so happy about it. He and his BFF went to club together and A and me had fun together and talked a lot. K wasn't texting me. I was unhappy about this. I could barely sleep and 6 O'clock I finally texted him if he was home but no answer until 10:30 am. 1 O'clock I went home to my mother and we went in the city because it was good weather and in the evening I found out K was chilling with a girl who was the worst hoe in Ks town. I was so angry, upset, mad everything at the same time and he hurt me even more. Told me every girl touched him and it was so fun and he drove his car drunk and better he would not have gone to club better stay with me or at least let me sleep at his place. I wonder why he says this all the time but a week later he does the same shit. I am so weak of living. I can't do this again. This whole shit like in October, K sleeping with other girls, texting with other girls all the time. It destroys me. I wonder how he can be this in love the one day, telling me he loves me and misses me and the other day he is so cold to me. Giving a shit on how I was feeling and even when I explained why I wanted to sleep at his place, because I didn't wanted to go home he said I just wanted to sleep there because I wouldn't trust him.
Sonntag, 9. März 2014
Montag, 3. März 2014
Kinda nice day
Today my day was a little better. I decided to don't write K first and he did ! He wrote me so I was happy. My day was quite good also at work everything was okay. A manager even send us home earlier than we should. When I looked at my telephone I was so happy. K send me a message 'what are you doing habibti?' he never said this before and it ment so much to me. Later we texted and he told me he would miss me and he asked me if we could meet on friday. I hope so much that we can become a couple again. But it is difficult how I should be. I think best is to do what he wants me to do but I am afraid he gets bored of me when I do so and that he searches someone else. I want to do erveything right but what is right? What should I do? I don't know... Everything is so diffucult.
Sonntag, 2. März 2014
I need clarity
K definitely misses me. I am really sure. But he acts so weird.
He wanted me to come to his place and I was so happy about it. When I came there I was totally distant with him but he was searching for my near. So I gave him a little bit. He brought me to sleeping with him and I loved it. It felt so good being so near to him but he realized that something wasn't right. I tried so hard to just be strong and smile. And be the women he loves, but this isn't so easy in front of a person who nearly knows you perfect. But I also wanted his near.
After that I stayed with him he wanted to go to the club. Without me of course. He said he would more like to stay with me and he wasn't in mood to go to club but one call of a friend and he was totally in. I was hoping so much that he would ask me to stay. But he didn't. And I was disappointed again. I left and I was crying. But I realized to don't give up and go on with fighting. And it helped. I could stay. But he left so long. His friend was there for getting his mobile and keys. But K wasn't there this was worrying me. He said he would come at 5 am but he wasn't. Finally he was there at 7 am and just wanted to eat something and then left again. But I was begging him to stay and he did. Unfortunately I had to wake him up at 12 am so he could go to them again. And he did. I felt like he wasn't really missing me but only missing sleeping with me. He sais he loves me but he shows me the opposite. I don't know if he just wants to proof he's the cool. I just want to be with him again. And I don't want to do any more mistakes. But I somehow always do. I don't know why. I really don't want to. K is the only one I want to be with. I am for real. I could never be near to anyone again. I can't imagine and I don't want to.
Today I was at his mothers place and it felt so good. I am so happy hos mother is like that. She is such a nice women. I would miss the whole family if K would finally break up with me. I am begging so much he won't leave me forever. I want him so much...
Samstag, 1. März 2014
Will we ever be a couple again ?
Today it was a strange day. I wasn't working at my home store but in the city. The people there were all nice to me and I was on the cash desk. Everything was allright. But then suddenly the telephone rang and there was someone saying, that I would have left a securing on purpose on the clothes, but this wasn't the case. I was always friendly. They told me to stay calm and carry on. But then there was the next thing. I scanned the things and she gave me the money. Then came the next customer and I was scanning those items. But suddenly I saw that there were 3 of the 4 items of the previous customer. I couldn't explain myself how this could be. I mean this never happened before. I would never let a customer go before paying. Would I ?
But by chance the previous customer came to the cash desk again because they wanted to change one of the items. And on the bill there appeared all those articles. I can't explain how this could happen.
After work I went to K he wanted to see me and I was so happy about this. When I came there, there was kinda distance between us, but we got over it and were finally very near to each other, it was so awesome and felt so good, but I wish he wanted me to sleep at his place, I was hoping until last minute but of course he wasn't asking. When I left I was so unhappy that I decided to not complete give up. So i drove to the next parking lot and texted K. I said what I felt and first he wouldn't understand me but after a little while he decided to let me sleep at his place. I was so happy telling him what I really felt and not hoping he would notice by himself.
I am so weak of all this. I am always hoping to let some others know what I was feeling.
But they will never do.
I have nobody. I wanted to meet a friend, A, but unfortunately she was meeting one of the girls, K slept with... I really have nobody and I don't know what I should do. I feel so alone. K is the only one I have and who I feel I can talk to, but I am always stressing him so he doesn't want me.
But by chance the previous customer came to the cash desk again because they wanted to change one of the items. And on the bill there appeared all those articles. I can't explain how this could happen.
After work I went to K he wanted to see me and I was so happy about this. When I came there, there was kinda distance between us, but we got over it and were finally very near to each other, it was so awesome and felt so good, but I wish he wanted me to sleep at his place, I was hoping until last minute but of course he wasn't asking. When I left I was so unhappy that I decided to not complete give up. So i drove to the next parking lot and texted K. I said what I felt and first he wouldn't understand me but after a little while he decided to let me sleep at his place. I was so happy telling him what I really felt and not hoping he would notice by himself.
I am so weak of all this. I am always hoping to let some others know what I was feeling.
But they will never do.
I have nobody. I wanted to meet a friend, A, but unfortunately she was meeting one of the girls, K slept with... I really have nobody and I don't know what I should do. I feel so alone. K is the only one I have and who I feel I can talk to, but I am always stressing him so he doesn't want me.
Freitag, 28. Februar 2014
How I got to who I am.
Since I have nobody I can trust and I can talk to I decided to start writing. Somehow I need to get off my feelings.
When I was younger I think I hadn’t a bad life. In fact my mother was always there for me. She was strict but she was a good mother. Now I am nineteen years old and I have never done something really bad. I think this refers to the education of my mother. I’ve never taken drugs and I was only one time drunk. But this was the worst.
I was friends with some of the HCo store I was working in. We went to party every Saturday and it was always fun. Then on 8th july I saw this beautiful Boy. I’ve never seen somebody like him somebody so amazing. I was smiling all the time, just for him in the forlorn hope he would notice me and he did! The next day I wrote my best friend about this evening and I owe it to chance that she knew him.
When I added him he wrote me “You are the one smiling all evening, aren’t you?” I was so happy. I was writing with him and he was super cute. We got to know each other.
We met every saturday in the club everything was so fine. On 6th of july I was in the club again. Unfortunately I had to leave early and since I was sorry about that I gave him a kiss. Straight on his mouth. I don’t know what was riding me but I was afraid about what could happen next. Maybe he thought we were hooking up or something like this. But he wasn’t and he was mad because I thought in this way of him.
On 12th july was my last school day. I was totally happy because this evenings plan was going to club in the City this boy was living.
Me and my best friend went there and when we arrived in the club it was empty. But when we are in club nobody can stop us. We had lots of fun and this was also the first time we first kissed each other. It was so amazing. After club we went to a friend and he was playing Tekken and also kissing me. In front of his best friend. It felt so good. He told me he isn’t doing something like this, kissing girls in clubs taking pictures and so on. So much more I was happy about this all. I slept at his place and it was awesome.
Next days I was at my best friends house and we also went to my boy and the others. So my boy, K, and my best friend, V, planned to go to the beach. It was fun until V decided to meet with a boy and let me alone in a city where I hardly know somebody. So I had to hang out with K and this was completely out of my comfort zone. She promised me going with me in the club. Time with K was quite good but in my head there was V. I was texting her and she asked for just one more hour. I am not a bad friend so I agreed. When I later asked again she asked me to sleep at Ks again. And I did. But I was upset. She was so selfish.
But K and me got nearer. And this wasn’t bad. He was a nice guy and such a good lover. We met a lot and with him I had the best first date I ever had. Actually, it was my first first date. I’ve never had a real date before. We went to the open air cinema and watched ‘Django unchained’. It was such a good evening.
But then there was one of the worst evenings in world. V was at my house and we got the stupid Idea to drink a ‘little bit’ before clubbing but this went out of force. I was drunk. First time in my life. I didn’t knew what I was doing, or I can’t understand what I was doing. We went to BK and on the way I said “We are loving each other but we don’t want to admit.” And after that in club I was ignoring him. I lost a ‘good’ friend who was pulling my skirt so everybody could see my underwear and I hit him. After that I apologized for that and K saw this. He was very angry with me. When I was out of club he ignored me and said I could delete his number. I was writing him and begging him to forgive me.
And he did. The luck was on my side he said I could come to him and everything was good. Saturday he went to holidays.
Wednesday after that I went to holidays and we missed each other a lot. There was something between us, I had a crush on him. And he on me.
Sunday on 18th August we DTRed and became a couple.
But after that holiday there went a lot wrong, too. He took some photographs which weren't okay but me too.
There were such a lot of fights but we loved each other and this was clear.
In October I was one week at his place and he left me his tablet home. I was stupid enough to look through it and one day I saw a notification 'Person XY watched your profile'. It was a dating app. So I looked through it and I saw that he had written 11 pm to two girls. The haven't replied but I was really upset. When I asked him of he had written with some girls he said no. I asked if he wrote with some girls he said no. I asked if he had texted some girls he sweared he didn't. I was so mad that I decided to also break I swear I made, so I went with V to a Club, alone. He found out and he broke up with me. And then the worst time in my life begun.
We didn't came together for like a month but I was still at his place at weekends. He couldn't let me go, but he wanted to. So he slept with to girls I later found out. The worst of this was, that one weekend I was working Friday until 10 pm then went to him and the next day I went to work 10 am to 3 pm and after that I went again to his place. And in this time I wasn't there he slept wit this other girl. It hurt so much. I remember this so often. But we got a couple again.
When I was younger I think I hadn’t a bad life. In fact my mother was always there for me. She was strict but she was a good mother. Now I am nineteen years old and I have never done something really bad. I think this refers to the education of my mother. I’ve never taken drugs and I was only one time drunk. But this was the worst.
I was friends with some of the HCo store I was working in. We went to party every Saturday and it was always fun. Then on 8th july I saw this beautiful Boy. I’ve never seen somebody like him somebody so amazing. I was smiling all the time, just for him in the forlorn hope he would notice me and he did! The next day I wrote my best friend about this evening and I owe it to chance that she knew him.
When I added him he wrote me “You are the one smiling all evening, aren’t you?” I was so happy. I was writing with him and he was super cute. We got to know each other.
We met every saturday in the club everything was so fine. On 6th of july I was in the club again. Unfortunately I had to leave early and since I was sorry about that I gave him a kiss. Straight on his mouth. I don’t know what was riding me but I was afraid about what could happen next. Maybe he thought we were hooking up or something like this. But he wasn’t and he was mad because I thought in this way of him.
On 12th july was my last school day. I was totally happy because this evenings plan was going to club in the City this boy was living.
Me and my best friend went there and when we arrived in the club it was empty. But when we are in club nobody can stop us. We had lots of fun and this was also the first time we first kissed each other. It was so amazing. After club we went to a friend and he was playing Tekken and also kissing me. In front of his best friend. It felt so good. He told me he isn’t doing something like this, kissing girls in clubs taking pictures and so on. So much more I was happy about this all. I slept at his place and it was awesome.
Next days I was at my best friends house and we also went to my boy and the others. So my boy, K, and my best friend, V, planned to go to the beach. It was fun until V decided to meet with a boy and let me alone in a city where I hardly know somebody. So I had to hang out with K and this was completely out of my comfort zone. She promised me going with me in the club. Time with K was quite good but in my head there was V. I was texting her and she asked for just one more hour. I am not a bad friend so I agreed. When I later asked again she asked me to sleep at Ks again. And I did. But I was upset. She was so selfish.
But K and me got nearer. And this wasn’t bad. He was a nice guy and such a good lover. We met a lot and with him I had the best first date I ever had. Actually, it was my first first date. I’ve never had a real date before. We went to the open air cinema and watched ‘Django unchained’. It was such a good evening.
But then there was one of the worst evenings in world. V was at my house and we got the stupid Idea to drink a ‘little bit’ before clubbing but this went out of force. I was drunk. First time in my life. I didn’t knew what I was doing, or I can’t understand what I was doing. We went to BK and on the way I said “We are loving each other but we don’t want to admit.” And after that in club I was ignoring him. I lost a ‘good’ friend who was pulling my skirt so everybody could see my underwear and I hit him. After that I apologized for that and K saw this. He was very angry with me. When I was out of club he ignored me and said I could delete his number. I was writing him and begging him to forgive me.
And he did. The luck was on my side he said I could come to him and everything was good. Saturday he went to holidays.
Wednesday after that I went to holidays and we missed each other a lot. There was something between us, I had a crush on him. And he on me.
Sunday on 18th August we DTRed and became a couple.
But after that holiday there went a lot wrong, too. He took some photographs which weren't okay but me too.
There were such a lot of fights but we loved each other and this was clear.
In October I was one week at his place and he left me his tablet home. I was stupid enough to look through it and one day I saw a notification 'Person XY watched your profile'. It was a dating app. So I looked through it and I saw that he had written 11 pm to two girls. The haven't replied but I was really upset. When I asked him of he had written with some girls he said no. I asked if he wrote with some girls he said no. I asked if he had texted some girls he sweared he didn't. I was so mad that I decided to also break I swear I made, so I went with V to a Club, alone. He found out and he broke up with me. And then the worst time in my life begun.
We didn't came together for like a month but I was still at his place at weekends. He couldn't let me go, but he wanted to. So he slept with to girls I later found out. The worst of this was, that one weekend I was working Friday until 10 pm then went to him and the next day I went to work 10 am to 3 pm and after that I went again to his place. And in this time I wasn't there he slept wit this other girl. It hurt so much. I remember this so often. But we got a couple again.
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