He wanted me to come to his place and I was so happy about it. When I came there I was totally distant with him but he was searching for my near. So I gave him a little bit. He brought me to sleeping with him and I loved it. It felt so good being so near to him but he realized that something wasn't right. I tried so hard to just be strong and smile. And be the women he loves, but this isn't so easy in front of a person who nearly knows you perfect. But I also wanted his near.
After that I stayed with him he wanted to go to the club. Without me of course. He said he would more like to stay with me and he wasn't in mood to go to club but one call of a friend and he was totally in. I was hoping so much that he would ask me to stay. But he didn't. And I was disappointed again. I left and I was crying. But I realized to don't give up and go on with fighting. And it helped. I could stay. But he left so long. His friend was there for getting his mobile and keys. But K wasn't there this was worrying me. He said he would come at 5 am but he wasn't. Finally he was there at 7 am and just wanted to eat something and then left again. But I was begging him to stay and he did. Unfortunately I had to wake him up at 12 am so he could go to them again. And he did. I felt like he wasn't really missing me but only missing sleeping with me. He sais he loves me but he shows me the opposite. I don't know if he just wants to proof he's the cool. I just want to be with him again. And I don't want to do any more mistakes. But I somehow always do. I don't know why. I really don't want to. K is the only one I want to be with. I am for real. I could never be near to anyone again. I can't imagine and I don't want to.
Today I was at his mothers place and it felt so good. I am so happy hos mother is like that. She is such a nice women. I would miss the whole family if K would finally break up with me. I am begging so much he won't leave me forever. I want him so much...
