What did I do to deserve this ?

Friday I was so happy, K said he would miss me and I was so happy to see him. I went to his work to get his car keys and he kissed me. It felt like heaven on earth, so amazing. After this kiss I was even crying. I drove his mother and sister to IKEA and I went on work. Everything was fine. When I came to him a friend of him was there. So I had time to clean up  the flat a little bit. After the friend left K came to  me and kissed me and he was so in love. I was so happy I was smiling all the time. I wanted to have the Voss Water so we went to a store where he meant it would be available but it wasn't. We were laughing at a vendor because he didn't even know what this was. Originally we wanted to go to his brother but he had no time for us. So we went home and had an amazing evening. 
Next morning I had to go to work and I asked if I could sleep at his place again he said he would think over it. When work was finished I asked and of course he said no but thank god his brother was calling me and he wanted me to come to his girlfriend A. I was so happy about it. He and his BFF went to club together and A and me had fun together and talked a lot. K wasn't texting me. I was unhappy about this. I could barely sleep and 6 O'clock I finally texted him if he was home but no answer until 10:30 am. 1 O'clock I went home to my mother and we went in the city because it was good weather and in the evening I found out K was chilling with a girl who was the worst hoe in Ks town. I was so angry, upset, mad everything at the same time and he hurt me even more. Told me every girl touched him and it was so fun and he drove his car drunk and better he would not have gone to club better stay with me or at least let me sleep at his place. I wonder why he says this all the time but a week later he does the same shit. I am so weak of living. I can't do this again. This whole shit like in October, K sleeping with other girls, texting with other girls all the time. It destroys me. I wonder how he can be this in love the one day, telling me he loves me and misses me and the other day he is so cold to me. Giving a shit on how I was feeling and even when I explained why I wanted to sleep at his place, because I didn't wanted to go home he said I just wanted to sleep there because I wouldn't trust him.  

Kinda nice day

Today my day was a little better. I decided to don't write K first and he did ! He wrote me so I was happy. My day was quite good also at work everything was okay. A manager even send us home earlier than we should. When I looked at my telephone I was so happy. K send me a message 'what are you doing habibti?' he never said this before and it ment so much to me. Later we texted and he told me he would miss me and he asked me if we could meet on friday. I hope so much that we can become a couple again. But it is difficult how I should be. I think best is to do what he wants me to do but I am afraid he gets bored of me when I do so and that he searches someone else. I want to do erveything right but what is right? What should I do? I don't know... Everything is so diffucult.

I need clarity

K definitely misses me. I am really sure. But he acts so weird. 

He wanted me to come to his place and I was so happy about it. When I came there I was totally distant with him but he was searching for my near. So I gave him a little bit. He brought me to sleeping with him and I loved it. It felt so good being so near to him but he realized that something wasn't right. I tried so hard to just be strong and smile. And be the women he loves, but this isn't so easy in front of a person who nearly knows you perfect. But I also wanted his near. 

After that I stayed with him he wanted to go to the club. Without me of course. He said he would more like to stay with me and he wasn't in mood to go to club but one call of a friend and he was totally in. I was hoping so much that he would ask me to stay. But he didn't. And I was disappointed again. I left and I was crying. But I realized to don't give up and go on with fighting. And it helped. I could stay. But he left so long. His friend was there for getting his mobile and keys. But K wasn't there this was worrying me. He said he would come at 5 am but he wasn't. Finally he was there at 7 am and just wanted to eat something and then left again. But I was begging him to stay and he did. Unfortunately I had to wake him up at 12 am so he could go to them again. And he did. I felt like he wasn't really missing me but only missing sleeping with me. He sais he loves me but he shows me the opposite. I don't know if he just wants to proof he's the cool. I just want to be with him again. And I don't want to do any more mistakes. But I somehow always do. I don't know why. I really don't want to. K is the only one I want to be with. I am for real. I could never be near to anyone again. I can't imagine and I don't want to. 

Today I was at his mothers place and it felt so good. I am so happy hos mother is like that. She is such a nice women. I would miss the whole family if K would finally break up with me. I am begging so much he won't leave me forever. I want him so much...

Will we ever be a couple again ?

Today it was a strange day. I wasn't working at my home store but in the city. The people there were all nice to me and  I was on the cash desk. Everything was allright. But then suddenly the telephone rang and there was someone saying, that I would have left a securing on purpose on the clothes, but this wasn't the case. I was always friendly. They told me to stay calm and carry on. But then there was the next thing. I scanned the things and she gave me the money. Then came the next customer and I was scanning those items. But suddenly I saw that there were 3 of the 4 items of the previous customer. I couldn't explain myself how this could be. I mean this never happened before. I would never let a customer go before paying. Would I ?
But by chance the previous customer came to the cash desk again because they wanted to change one of the items. And on the bill there appeared all those articles. I can't explain how this could happen. 
After work I went to K he wanted to see me and I was so happy about this. When I came there, there was kinda distance between us, but we got over it and were finally very near to each other, it was so awesome and felt so good, but I wish he wanted me to sleep at his place, I was hoping until last minute but of course he wasn't asking. When I left I was so unhappy that I decided to not complete give up. So i drove to the next parking lot and texted K. I said what I felt and first he wouldn't understand me but after a little while he decided to let me sleep at his place. I was so happy telling him what I really felt and not hoping he would notice by himself.
I am so weak of all this. I am always hoping to let some others know what I was feeling. 
But they will never do.   
I have nobody. I wanted to meet a friend, A, but unfortunately she was meeting one of the girls, K slept with... I really have nobody and I don't know what I should do. I feel so alone. K is the only one I have and who I feel I can talk to, but I am always stressing him so he doesn't want me.